Game Changed: Dating rules may be different but object same
From THE CHICAGO TRIBUNE
The dating game for those 50 and older is not played by the rules of days gone by. It’s a whole new world out there. The good news for mature singles looking for love or companionship is that a potpourri of options await to get you in the game.
Suddenly single
Cliff Chun, 60, of Addison became a widower last March after 31 years of marriage. When faced with his new single state he wasn’t sure where to turn. “I guess I’m an old-fashioned guy and would have preferred being fixed up by friends, but people don’t seem to do that anymore,” he says. Instead, he turned to the Internet and checked out several services including Plentyoffish.com and Match.com. “Going online was the only way I could meet someone besides going to a bar, which is not for me,” he says. “I’m not really computer proficient but I was forced to be – everything is online.”
Chun soon became adept, posting his profile and a picture of himself in a tuxedo taken at his daughter’s wedding a few years ago. In the six months he’s been wading into the online dating pool he’s had dates with three different women, two of whom he met on Match.com.
Chun has had several dates with one of the women he’s met, going to restaurants, the theater and museums. “Mainly, I’m looking for companionship,” he says. “If it works out, OK. If not, that’s OK too.”
Face it
Aurora Nelson, coordinator for the face-to-face Lock and Key and Cupid/Pre-Dating speed dating events in the Chicagoland area, thinks people need to get out of their comfort zone. That includes “being open to dating different cultures, backgrounds and or/ages as the field dramatically narrows once you hit the 50 mark,” she says.
Lock and Key ( www.lockandkeyevents.com ) is a different spin on a traditional social gathering. Every woman who attends gets a padlock and every man gets a key. The goal is to find the right key with the right padlock. “After every unlock you get another lock or key so you can get back into the fray and meet more people,” she says. “It’s a great ice-breaker.” Cost is $25.
Pre-Dating ( www.pre-dating.com ), says Nelson, is a “fun and efficient way for busy singles to meet.” Participants must pre-register online for $35. The registrants then meet in a private area of an upscale restaurant or bar and have up to 12 or more face-to-face six-minute pre-dates in one night.
“I tell people to just come to the events to have a good time and try something new,” she says. “They should not come expecting to meet ‘him’ or ‘her’ but rather to enjoy themselves. If they don’t meet someone they are romantically interested in, they may still make a friend who may know someone who is more suited to them.”
Check the Web sites for scheduled events, which are held once a quarter for the 50 and older age group.
Make a match
From 2005 to 2009, Match.com has seen a 15 percent growth year over year in the 50 and older age group. With the aging of Baby Boomers, “it’s one of our fastest growing demographics,” says Whitney Casey, a relationship expert with Match.com.
A pioneer in the online dating industry, Match.com doesn’t place this age demographic in an isolated group, but it does provide tools to help introduce older adults to the kinds of people they are looking for. Members create a profile telling the service what kind of person they would like to meet.
“For example, are they looking for someone in their age range, their height range, a nonsmoker, someone from the same religious background,” says Casey. “We also encourage members to add lots of photos. Once a profile is created and photos are uploaded, members can begin searching across our huge community of singles, or allow us to find a match with our special matching programs – or both.”
When members see someone they’d like to communicate with they send them a “wink” or email them. Match.com uses a double-blind email system so members aren’t able to trace where the e-mail is coming from until they are ready to exchange actual e-mail addresses or phone numbers. “Creating a profile on Match.com is free,” says Casey. “When you are ready to start communicating with other singles, you have to subscribe for as low as $17 a month.” Whether on a blind date set up by a friend or finding a love interest online, Casey says personal safety should always be the No. 1 priority. Go to the Match Web site for online dating safety tips.
*** Excerpts from a longer article